For many psychotherapists, borderline clients present a professional challenge because of their frequent relational conflicts, varying developmental levels of transference, and their polarization of emotions, such as: idealization and hate, elation and despair, anger and dependency.

The occurrence of infidelity in a couple relationship can often be experienced as a catastrophic and life-changing event which is accompanied by extremely heightened emotions of shock, disbelief, moral judgment, self-doubt, betrayal and a collapse of the trust system. Not only can the manifestations cover the gamut of depression, anxiety, anger, hatred and self-loathing but can also be viewed as a potentially irreparable loss which may increase propensity for helplessness and despair.

As therapists, if we can delineate adult attachment manifestations across courtship, sexual intimacy, committed relationships and communication in couples; we can better assist our clients in resolving conflict and disharmony in their intimate relationships. When there is a breakdown in the relationship, how can we, as therapists, comprehend the nature and meaning of an affair:

• Could these be serving a developmental purpose?
• Are some betrayals actually shared enactments towards resetting the relationship?
• And most importantly, how can we help our clients in navigating such severe relational upheavals?

This video resource pack contains two complete workshops (CPD hours: 6) that cover:

Part 1:

Dr Gwen Adshead and Kathleen Mates-Youngman draw on real-life clinical vignettes to specifically consider how insecurity in adult attachments can affect both mate selection and how adults ‘mentalise’ each other in close relationships, especially as these change across time. We consider:

• How attachment security relates to emotional communication in the context of dependency, vulnerability and conflict in intimate relationships
• What does caring mean in the context of adult intimacy, sexuality and eroticism? How does this relate to conflict and disharmony in couple relationships?
• How apparent manifestations of couple conflict including anger, aggression and infidelity may have deeper roots in issues surrounding intimacy and sexuality; issues that couples may avoid explicitly talking about
• How the dynamics of regulated emotions, negative assumptions and threats to self-worth find expression from courtship through to commitment
• The explanatory factors for discomfort with closeness, erotophobia, viewing intimacy as intrusion, superiority and impersonal sex that have roots in Insecure Avoidant attachments
• How Insecure Anxious attachment styles can explain negative assumptions during courtship, assertiveness during sexual intimacy, possessive love, self-fulfilling prophecies in partner communication and continual needs for reassurance
• How, as therapists, we can aim to transform insecure working models to secure models by considering maladaptive consequences of attachment styles and utilisation of empathic sensitivity

Part 2:

At this practical and interactive seminar, relevant to psychotherapists, psychologists and counsellors, Kathleen Mates-Youngman, author of the bestseller Couples Therapy Workbook: 30 Guided Conversations to Re-Connect Couples – draws on her clinical experience to explain:

• Defining infidelity: we look at infidelity as a psychological construct, global statistics and the classification of affairs
• The three stages of healing: Kathleen explains the therapeutic process as composed of three stages:
  • Crisis stage: the stage which covers identity confusion, a barrage of questions and a cascade of emotions. We look at the role of therapist guidance at this stage
  • Insight stage: this stage covers the impact of the affair, individual traits, familial influences, relationship history and emotional injuries
  • Decision and Vision stage: this stage moves on to non-negotiables, the roles of remorse, accountability, transparency; the confrontation of doubts and fears and the rebuilding of trust
• Intimacy after infidelity: the webinar looks at the dynamics of vulnerability, desirability and problematic assumptions
• Preventing infidelity: the roles of trust, transparency and clarity; relationships as a choice, creating a healthy relationship and healthy sexual intimacy