A mother-child relationship has always been idolised as being a cocoon of love and safety. The mother, being the primary caregiver, has always been upheld as a model of unconditional giving and nurturing. In putting mothers on this exalted pedestal, we collectively forget that mothers are human – just like us, with their own insecurities, traumas and unfulfilled dreams and desires. When there are daily reminders of looking at a growing child, who lives a carefree, fulfilling life that recalls their own thwarted ambitions, brings out their relational insecurities, and triggers their traumas – envy and jealousy can easily become the dominant emotions for mothers.

Sexism and patriarchy that limited a mother’s life can be one of the strongest root causes of maternal jealousy. The children, especially daughters, become their mother’s uncomfortable mirror. When a mother experiences daily comparisons of the educational opportunities, career choices, freedoms from restrictive gender roles, and increased love and support from partners that the mother didn’t have and couldn’t conceive of as possible, this creates deep channels of grief, jealousy and envy for the life she could never have. A mother grieves her unfulfilled dreams, unrealized talent, and unsupported life. And in being put on a pedestal of being a good mother, society expects her to not only ignore her grief but never even whisper it, and to live her whole life being happy for her children.

Equally, narcissism can be a strong factor at play. A narcissistic mother may perceive her offspring, especially a daughter, as a threat. If the child’s achievements draw attention from the mother, the child will most likely suffer retaliation, put-downs, and punishments.

As Peg Streep puts it wisely, “Jealousy and anger are highly personal in a very specific sense because these emotions reflect the self, not the object of the emotions. Because these feelings are self-referential, the more self-involved or narcissistic the mother is, the more likely it is that she will be jealous or envious.”  The mother can be especially jealous of her daughter for many reasons—her looks, her youth, material possessions, accomplishments, education and even the girl’s relationship with the father.

A strong relationship between the father and child, especially a strong father-daughter relationship, can be an area especially fraught with insecurity and jealousy on the mother’s part. A child needs to have a healthy relationship with both parents. However, if the mother is jealous of the father-child relationship, especially a loving father-daughter relationship, then what repercussions does that carry? The daughter wants both parents to love her. So, who does she please?

What complicates this dynamic further is the question of what stance the father takes. Often men in relationships with female narcissists choose to bow to the mother’s wishes so as to maintain the adult relationship. The father is then unable to connect with his daughter. This leaves the daughter not only confused but also with a lack of emotional connection with both parents.

Almost in every case of maternal jealousy, the child is left with little or no support during her growing years. She feels unloved, unsupported, constantly undermined and full of self-doubt. The scars left by maternal jealousy tend to run deep. The ramifications of maternal jealousy extend far beyond familial dynamics, permeating every facet of a child’s life. Inadequate emotional support, constant criticism, and emotional manipulation perpetuate feelings of unworthiness and self-doubt. At this webinar, we will we recognize the pervasive influence of maternal jealousy on relational choices, career trajectories, and self-esteem.

This seminar will examine how these behavioural patterns:

• Influence the relationships formed by the individual (our client) with their partners / lovers, friends and colleagues
• Influence wrong choices in career and the failure to succeed in it
• Lead to underplaying their achievements in life and career
• Self-sabotage their life and goals

How then, does the individual, cope? How do they come out of this intergenerational play of narcissism, unfulfilled life and trauma?

At this cutting-edge, therapeutically-oriented seminar, Dr Gwen Adshead and Dr Jan McGregor Hepburn delve into Attachment Theory and Psychoanalytical concepts, uncovering how maternal jealousy manifests, its impact on familial dynamics, and strategies for breaking the cycle of toxicity. They then offer a transformative approach to dismantling intergenerational patterns of toxicity. By fostering self-awareness, setting boundaries, and challenging societal norms, individuals can liberate themselves from the intergenerational cycle of maternal jealousy. Through case illustrations and vignettes, Dr Adshead and Dr Hepburn will explain how practical exercises and psychoeducational interventions can empower our clients to reclaim agency, cultivate self-esteem, and foster healthy relationships in their adult lives. Evaluate the psychological effects of maternal jealousy on offspring, exploring patterns of self-sabotage and identity formation.

Learning Objectives:

• Distinguish between envy and jealousy, elucidating their nuanced impact on interpersonal dynamics and analyse the interplay of narcissism with envy and jealousy, unravelling its implications for familial relationships
• Examine the role of repetition compulsion in perpetuating intergenerational trauma, particularly in relational contexts
• Implement therapeutic strategies to mitigate the effects of maternal jealousy, promoting healing and closure in the mother-child relationship

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