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‘Why are you getting so upset?’ A Clinical Guide to Understanding and Addressing Passive-Aggressive Behaviour: Video Course

‘Why are you getting so upset?’ A Clinical Guide to Understanding and Addressing Passive-Aggressive Behaviour: Video Course

Passive-aggressive behaviour, also sometimes described as non-verbal aggression, is subtle and often exists in the shadows of unconscious communication in relationships. It is often interpreted by others – including practitioners – as a form of manipulation and coercive, controlling behaviour.

Video course packs, including all notes are available immediately on booking. The access links are part of your ticket.

Online video access remains available for 1 year from the date you receive the video course.

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£ 149.00

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Course Credits

CPD: 6 / CE: 6

Speaker(s)

Christiane Sanderson

Course length in hours

6 hrs of video content

Full course information

While it can be a recurrent feature of controlling behaviour, it finds its roots in complex relational, cultural, traumatic, familial as well as personality issues. More importantly, it can also be commonly seen in people who are powerless and have been rendered voiceless due to trauma, childhood abuse, oppressive relationships, marginalisation, or neurodivergence.

Why?

Because people who indulge in passive aggressive behaviour find dealing with confrontation especially difficult. They struggle to be assertive with their needs and feelings, while typically wanting to avoid conflict and maintain some sense of control in a relationship.

Passive-aggressive behaviour can be seen in many interpersonal relationships, including parent-child relationships, peer relationships, workplace interactions, social or community groups, romantic relationships as well as therapeutic dynamics:

  • Expressing needs, anger or frustration in a relationship in a passive-aggressive manner can be a behavioural pattern passed down generationally in families. For some clients, their families may have routinely denied emotional expression and pretended as if their real anger doesn’t exist. A vulnerable part that flinches from confrontation gets activated as years of experience embed the fear that direct conflict is to be feared an avoided at all costs. Dysfunctional families with power imbalances in relationships, whether that of parent-child, partners/spouses or even extended family, often foster an environment where victims use passive-aggressive behaviour to express their needs and release anger.
  • Clients who suffer from rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD), ADHD or are neurodivergent may use passive-aggressive behaviour as a coping tool to deal with potentially conflict-causing situations, emotionally difficult situations, people or decisions. This ties in with childhood trauma, where disruptive or challenging behaviour associated with undiagnosed ADHD or neurodivergence would most likely have elicited criticism/punishment from parents and teachers and rejection from peers. This can lead to low self-esteem, depression, anxiety and hypersensitivity to future rejection and criticism.
  • People with low self-esteem also display passive-aggressive behaviour, since they lack the confidence to express their needs confidently. This pattern commonly correlates with other risk factors, such as people-pleasing, fearing confrontation, and experiencing anxiety or depression symptoms.
  • In abusive relationships, one or both partners may become passive-aggressive. Perpetrators may use it as a very effective tool for gaslighting or hurting the victim while the victim might also mirror the passive-aggressive behaviour of the perpetrator as the only safe way to stand up for themselves or to vent their anger.
  • In therapeutic settings, passive-aggressive behaviour may show up in cases of negative transference. While this has the potential to derail the therapeutic alliance, being cognisant of the underlying reason for the client’s passive-aggressive behaviour and understanding what emotion they’re really trying to convey, presents a great opportunity to help the client explore their internal world and process their emotions in a safe, contained space without rupturing the therapeutic process.
  • Projective identification can be another variation of passive-aggressive behaviour that we, as therapists, encounter in our clinical settings. The seemingly passive and submissive client can provoke such anger and silent fury that may surprise us with its intensity. Here an understanding of where the client is coming from and what is provoking this passive aggression (they may, for example, be fearful of making the wrong choice or anxious about committing which may potentially lead them closer to the situation they fear) not only helps keep the therapeutic process on track but also provides opportunity for therapeutic growth.

By understanding the origins of passive-aggressive behaviour, we, as practitioners, are better equipped to assess and understand why clients resort to such forms of communication. This understanding allows us to see beyond manipulative or coercive controlling behaviour and recognise that it may be a protective survival strategy due to prolonged threats in childhood, terror of abandonment or rejection, or processing differences seen in neurodivergence.

This intellectually stimulating and therapeutically oriented training will take a close look at the nature, impact, and characteristics of passive-aggressive behaviours. We will examine a range of passive-aggressive behaviours, including:

  • Coercive control through sarcasm: Using sarcastic remarks to undermine or control others subtly
  • Insults that masquerade as humour: Making hurtful comments disguised as jokes to belittle someone without overt aggression
  • Backhanded compliments: Offering compliments that also contain a subtle insult, confusing the recipient and undermining their self-esteem
  • Silent treatment: Withholding communication to punish or control someone by creating emotional distance
  • Giving mixed messages: Sending contradictory signals, causing confusion and uncertainty in relationships
  • Expressing feelings non-verbally through facial expressions and gestures: Using body language to convey displeasure or disapproval without words
  • Having hidden unexpressed expectations: Expecting others to meet unvoiced needs or desires, leading to frustration and resentment
  • Shaming someone in public, such as on social media: Publicly criticizing or embarrassing someone to exert control or revenge
  • Procrastination: Deliberately delaying tasks as a way to exert control or resist authority
  • Appearing to be supportive while working against them: Pretending to help or agree while secretly sabotaging efforts
  • Giving gifts or rewards that are conditional: Offering gifts with strings attached, using them to manipulate or control behaviour
  • Refusing to make decisions: Avoiding decision-making to evade responsibility or manipulate outcomes indirectly

Specifically, this webinar will:

  • Examine the nature and impact of passive-aggressive behaviour: Analyse the nature and consequences of passive-aggressive behaviour in various interpersonal contexts.
  • Identify characteristics: Recognize and identify the diverse manifestations of passive-aggressive behaviour
  • Explore aggression in relationships: Understand how passive-aggressive behaviour functions within coercive and controlling relationships
  • Understand origins: Delve into the origins of passive-aggressive behaviour, considering cultural norms, early childhood experiences, and the impacts of trauma, without pathologizing clients
  • Recognize neurodivergent traits: Identify how communication differences and RSD in ADHD contribute to passive-aggressive behaviour
  • Range of behaviours: Identify the spectrum of passive-aggressive behaviours, including subtle forms like sarcasm and procrastination
  • Avoid pathologizing: Understand the complexity of passive-aggressive behaviour to provide more appropriate and compassionate therapeutic interventions
  • Empower clients: Learn techniques to help clients develop clear, direct, and assertive communication skills, enabling them to lead more authentic lives

Equipped with a deeper understanding of passive-aggressive behaviour, we will be able to develop a more accurate formulation based on more focused and appropriate interpretations, rather than pathologizing clients. This will enable us to develop more empathic therapeutic interventions, giving clients a voice and empowering them to identify their needs and feel safe to express these without guilt or shame in a more direct and genuinely assertive way. By building self-awareness, developing communication and relationship skills, and expressing the full range of emotions in a clear, direct, and healthy way, clients will be able to connect to themselves and others more, and live more authentic lives.

Learning Objectives:

  • Analyse the nature and consequences of passive-aggressive behaviour in various interpersonal contexts.
  • Identify the diverse manifestations of passive-aggressive behaviour
  • Identify how communication differences and RSD in ADHD contribute to passive-aggressive behaviour
  • Identify the spectrum of passive-aggressive behaviours, including subtle forms like sarcasm and procrastination
  • Discuss the complexity of passive-aggressive behaviour to provide more appropriate and compassionate therapeutic interventions
  • Apply techniques to help clients develop clear, direct, and assertive communication skills, enabling them to lead more authentic lives

This training workshop offers an indispensable opportunity for us, as practitioners, to gain a deeper understanding of passive aggression in clients, refine our therapeutic approaches, thus fostering more constructive and healing relationships with their clients. By addressing the underlying causes and manifestations of passive-aggressive behaviour, we, as therapists, can significantly enhance our practice and client outcomes.

© nscience 2024 / 2025

What's included in this course

What you’ll learn

By understanding the origins of passive-aggressive behaviour, we, as practitioners, are better equipped to assess and understand why clients resort to such forms of communication. This understanding allows us to see beyond manipulative or coercive controlling behaviour and recognise that it may be a protective survival strategy due to prolonged threats in childhood, terror of abandonment or rejection, or processing differences seen in neurodivergence.

Learning objectives

  • Analyse the nature and consequences of passive-aggressive behaviour in various interpersonal contexts.
  • Identify the diverse manifestations of passive-aggressive behaviour
  • Identify how communication differences and RSD in ADHD contribute to passive-aggressive behaviour
  • Identify the spectrum of passive-aggressive behaviours, including subtle forms like sarcasm and procrastination
  • Discuss the complexity of passive-aggressive behaviour to provide more appropriate and compassionate therapeutic interventions
  • Apply techniques to help clients develop clear, direct, and assertive communication skills, enabling them to lead more authentic lives

About the speaker(s)

Christiane Sanderson BSc, MSc. is an Honorary Senior Lecturer in Psychology at the University of Roehampton, of London with 35years of experience working with survivors of childhood sexual abuse and sexual violence. She has delivered consultancy, continuous professional development and professional training for parents, teachers, social workers, nurses, therapists, counsellors, solicitors, the NSPCC, the Catholic Safeguarding Advisory Committee, the Methodist Church, the Metropolitan Police Service, SOLACE, the Refugee Council, Birmingham City Council Youth Offending Team, and HMP Bronzefield.

She is the author of Counselling Skills for Working with Shame, Counselling Skills for Working with Trauma: Healing from Child Sexual Abuse, Sexual Violence and Domestic Abuse, Counselling Adult Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse, 3rd edition, Counselling Survivors of Domestic Abuse, The Seduction of Children: Empowering Parents and Teachers to Protect Children from Child Sexual Abuse, and Introduction to Counselling Survivors of Interpersonal Trauma, all published by Jessica Kingsley Publishers. She has also written The Warrior Within: A One in Four Handbook to Aid Recovery from Sexual Violence; The Spirit Within: A One in Four Handbook to Aid Recovery from Religious Sexual Abuse Across All Faiths and Responding to Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse: A pocket guide for professionals, partners, families and friends for the charity One in Four for whom she is a trustee.

nscience UK is approved by the American Psychological Association to sponsor continuing education for psychologists. nscience UK maintains responsibility for this program and its content.

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